"Humility always returns with a bump!"

"Humility is most clearly appreciated in hindsight following a fall from the lofty tower of entitlement."

 Lee Robert Ness

Growing up, I can't recall asking for anything. My awake hours were full, and I was distracted from comparing myself to my peers by the abundance of toys, comics, and sweets at my disposal.

I can never recall waiting for or saving for anything. My mother is not convinced of the life lessons promised through subjecting one's offspring to discipline or sacrifice. This led to fulfilling my whims without much resistance. This led me to be great friends with disappointment when I realised instant gratification was not the norm entering puberty. That instant gratification forms the basis for my idealism and the overly sentimental reminiscing I do when looking back at those days. It is unsurpassable thanks to incredible parents. I was and am very lucky. I increasingly realise just how fortunate I was.  

My mother, having suffered incredible poverty and the loss of her mother in her early teens, sought for me not to repeat her formative years. You can judge me by thinking of me as a spoilt brat, and for sure, I was, but never or at least seldom demonstrated the behaviour of a brat. I had all I could ever want, but discipline too was meted out in a way fashioned by the experience of both my parents' formative years and delivered with efficient and measured violence. I never feared the wrath of either of my parents, far worse than letting them down through disappointment or, worse, disgracing them. My early years until my eighth birthday were hugely influenced by my granddad Bob, born in 1908, who had lived with us since I was born. I thought everyone had their grandfather live with them, having known nothing else. A noble, quiet man with incredible stories who fought in the war in Burma, not just once, but returned a second time, knowing what he was to face. He could skin a rabbit with the grace of a prima ballerina, and though he died when I was eight, his influence lives on in my character.   

Dad's countless Del Boy attempts at entrepreneurialism were finally rewarded as he managed to land a great living through "Pubroll". The cleverly named business specialised in creating and delivering the first filled rolls and sandwiches. Their innovative approach to food service aimed to provide fresh, convenient options for customers seeking tasty alternatives. Daily to the pubs and off-licenses in Edinburgh. This financed the early treats, holidays, and cars when we were old enough and I thought life was the same for everyone. 

As mentioned earlier, the reasoning behind the privilege shown to me only unfolded and made more sense as I grew older. I finally managed to piece together the snippets my parents shared about their lives before I came along, mostly by accident. It was clear that both, in very different ways, were no strangers to hardship and subsequently shared the unwavering goal of working extremely hard and tirelessly to provide all they assumed they themselves had missed out on.

What I failed to see back then, which is strange as my other most excellent quality, aside from intuitive empathy, is my uncanny ability to see everything as it is. They did not spend money extravagantly on themselves. If you had a friend over and said you took a chocolate business without offering it to your guest, they would explode viciously, "That's not how you were raised". It was beyond good manners. They had suffered and knew the worth of a chocolate biscuit to some. To the day she died, my mum was the consummate bargain hunter. If it hadn't been for the fact that she was void of any interpersonal sensitivity, you could do worse than take her shopping on her day with you. She was a connoisseur of the bargain.

If, unlike me, you have shortcomings or any physical or personality weaknesses, you would have done well to avoid her. Judgmental on her good days, she could be a handful. Similarly, my father (who could also be a right handful) was like a dog with two dicks with simply enough for a few beers and a small bet on that day's horses. He would often have more beers than I've stated, and for sure lost thousands gambling, but that's not extravagance just now, as I start this, that my two favourite people have shaped my life. We came from and remain aware of going without, which continues to inform my life and decisions as we advance. 

Lee Robert Ness